Beyond the realms of light bondage, impact play, and role-playing, many aspects of BDSM remain enigmatic, especially to those who are new or unfamiliar with the lifestyle. One such aspect is subspace. With so many misconceptions circulating, it's natural to have questions: What exactly is subspace? Is it real? What does subdrop feel like?
We consulted experts and experienced submissives to provide clear answers to these questions. Here's what they shared.
What is Subspace?
Subspace is a trance-like state that submissives may enter during or after a BDSM scene. Some describe it as a euphoric, pleasure-induced dream state, while others see it as an out-of-body, spiritual experience, often considered a primary goal of a scene.
Why Does Subspace Happen?
Engaging in a BDSM scene is very different from traditional sex. It heightens emotions, intensifies intimacy, and amplifies vulnerability, deepening the connection with a partner.
Moushumi Ghose, LMFT and Licensed Sex Therapist, explains that subspace occurs due to the release of "endorphins and adrenaline." She notes that our bodies respond to intense stimuli by entering a fight-or-flight state, releasing a powerful cocktail of chemicals.
Rose Rivera, MMED Family and Sexuality Studies and Founder of Submissive Academy, elaborates, “On a physical level, it’s a potent mix of hormones and neurotransmitters.” This biochemical response can trigger the intense sensations associated with subspace.
What Does Subspace Feel Like?
The experience of subspace is unique for each person. A 2017 study found that most people describe it as a sense of escape from self-awareness, providing relief from stress. Subspace is often felt as a spectrum—initially freeing and, as it deepens, heightening the senses and increasing pain tolerance.
For some, it varies each time. One day, it may bring complete peace and calm, while another day might evoke waves of joy and bliss.
Sarah, a submissive, describes it as “euphoria and disassociation.” She notes, “Even when I react to impact play, I become quieter, accepting everything my Dom does. It’s a mental state of deep submission.”
Jason, a dominant, explains his submissive’s experience: “On the lower end, it frees her mind. She can express herself freely without questioning. On the higher end, she’s in a ‘between place’—fully present but not overthinking. Her pain tolerance increases, and she’s completely in the moment.”
Rivera compares subspace to spiritual or meditative states: “It’s like experiencing a blissful, open state akin to religious ecstasy or enlightenment moments.”
Subspace vs. Subdrop
While subspace is euphoric, it can be followed by subdrop—a period of sadness, dread, or mild depression. Subdrop is the emotional low some submissives feel after intense BDSM scenes, and it can occur hours, days, or even weeks later. Symptoms may include mood swings, physical exhaustion, and vulnerability. Aftercare is crucial in managing subdrop.
Ghose emphasizes the importance of aftercare, which may include cuddling, providing water or food, and engaging in comforting activities like taking a bath. For those in polyamorous or open relationships, aftercare can involve other partners or community members.
Entering Subspace: How It Happens and Cues
Understanding the triggers for subspace can help both partners navigate a scene. Entering subspace depends on various factors, such as the intensity of the BDSM play, sensory inputs (touch, sound, smell), and the dominant’s cues. Actions like impact play, orgasm control, or sensory deprivation can be especially powerful for some, while others may be triggered by more subtle acts.
Each submissive’s signs of entering subspace vary, but common cues include:
- Extended silence
- Short or one-word responses
- Changes in breathing patterns
- Flushed or reddened skin
- Glazed or glassy eyes
- Altered movements, such as jerking
The Importance of Consent
Subspace, while freeing, is also when a submissive is most vulnerable. Establishing non-verbal communication and trust with a dominant is essential. Ghose stresses the need for pre- and post-scene discussions, safe words, and clear boundaries to create a safe and trusting environment. This foundation allows the experience to be not only beneficial but also potentially healing.
The Benefits of Subspace
Subspace offers numerous benefits beyond the rush of endorphins and stress relief. Ghose points out, “It can be a euphoric, transformative experience and strengthen the bond between submissive and dominant.” The heightened level of trust, vulnerability, and power exchange deepens the connection in profound ways.
Rivera explains that subspace involves “letting down psychological and emotional barriers,” which can foster deeper trust and intimacy through both verbal and physical communication.
Contrary to popular belief, research suggests that BDSM, including subspace, can be a form of stress relief, emotional healing, and spiritual or meditative practice. It provides a rare moment of freedom from anxieties, potentially serving as a cathartic experience. However, it’s crucial to approach such practices with professional support if trauma is involved, as BDSM alone should not replace professional treatment.
Managing Subdrop
After the high of subspace, subdrop may occur as the body and mind return to balance. To manage subdrop, aftercare and open communication are essential.
Angela, a submissive, emphasizes the importance of post-scene check-ins: “Communicating with your partner about your feelings can help immensely.” Some effective aftercare practices include:
- Providing physical comfort like blankets, baths, or electrolyte drinks
- Spending time cuddling for reassurance and connection
- Engaging in calming activities like reading, watching TV, or drawing
The Bottom Line
Subspace is a complex, transformative aspect of BDSM. It offers a profound physical and emotional release for the submissive partner, but it also requires careful attention and support post-scene to navigate subdrop effectively.
As with all BDSM practices, communication, patience, and trust are key to guiding your partner through the experience safely and positively.