It’s Friday night, date night, and you’ve scheduled some steamy playtime with your partner. The problem? You have no idea what scene to create. After a stressful week filled with work, a flat tire, and other life hassles, the creativity just isn’t flowing.
Even when we schedule time for BDSM, inspiration doesn’t always arrive on cue. If you don’t give yourself the space to get creative beforehand, it’s unlikely to just appear. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered with some tips to jumpstart your creativity and help you craft the perfect BDSM scene.
1. Keep a Log of Ideas
One of the best ways to avoid creative slumps is by keeping a notebook, journal, or digital note where you can jot down scene ideas as they come to you. It doesn’t need to be detailed or polished—just a place to record your thoughts when you’re feeling inspired. When Friday night rolls around and you’re not feeling the spark, check your log for ideas you had during more creative moments. Include notes on any props or prep work needed to bring the scene to life.
2. Give Yourself Space to Think
Busy schedules are the enemy of creativity. It’s hard to brainstorm new ideas when life is constantly pulling you in different directions. To spark your imagination, give yourself some mental space. Take a walk, enjoy a bubble bath, or spend 20 minutes daydreaming in a quiet place.
The goal is to let your mind wander freely—without distractions like TV, music, or to-do lists. If your thoughts drift back to your daily responsibilities, gently steer them back to more relaxing or creative ideas. This quiet time will help refresh your mind and make room for inspiration.
3. Explore Online Forums
If you’re interested in a specific kink but not sure how to incorporate it into a scene, or if you’re looking for a fresh take on a familiar kink, online forums can be a goldmine of inspiration. Sites like Fetlife or other kink-focused communities offer stories, tips, and experiences from others who share your interests.
Even if you’ve done a particular kink before, reading how others approach it can help you see it in a new light and inspire new ideas for your own playtime.
4. Build a Social Network
Social media can be a great source of inspiration. Follow people who are into the same kinks as you on platforms like Twitter or Fetlife, and your feed will be filled with creative ideas and scenes. You can also search hashtags to discover new people and scenes that align with your interests.
Just remember, social media often shows the “best of the best” moments, so don’t compare yourself too harshly. While it’s great for inspiration, it’s important to keep a healthy perspective and avoid feeling discouraged by other people’s highlight reels.
5. Read Erotica for Inspiration
Erotica can be a fantastic way to explore new kinks or understand a kink you’re not personally into. Whether it’s polished print erotica or user-submitted stories on websites, reading about different fantasies can help you discover what makes a particular kink exciting for others—and give you new ideas to try in your own scenes.
6. Talk to Your Partner
Your partner can be one of the best sources of inspiration. Have an open conversation about what kinks they’re interested in exploring, and let their desires fuel your creativity. They might bring up ideas you haven’t considered, or together, you could brainstorm a scene that’s exciting for both of you.
7. Try Picking a Kink at Random
If you’re the spontaneous type, consider picking a kink at random and diving into a scene. Use a kink checklist to create a list of all the activities you and your partner are okay with, then choose one at random to explore. Make sure your partner is on board with the experiment, and you might discover a new favorite kink together.
8. Exercise Your Creativity in the Shower
Need a fun mental exercise? Before hopping in the shower, think of a random household object or kink, and challenge yourself to figure out how you could incorporate it into a scene. Whether it’s a suitcase, today’s newspaper, or a foot fetish, stretching your creativity with these mental exercises can help you come up with fresh ideas for future play.
9. Be Patient with Yourself
Sometimes, life gets in the way of our ability to be creative. It’s okay to not feel inspired all the time, especially when daily stressors are overwhelming. Be patient with yourself and find time for creativity where you can. The more you relax and give yourself space, the easier it will be to get those creative juices flowing again.
Above all, remember to have fun! Whether the inspiration strikes right away or takes some time, BDSM is about connection and pleasure. So relax, explore, and enjoy the process.