BDSM can be an exciting way to explore your sexuality, but many activities involved carry inherent safety risks. It's crucial to understand and manage these risks for a safe and enjoyable experience.
BDSM offers a powerful way for people to use their bodies and minds to create intense, meaningful experiences for others. Whether you're interested in vulnerability, strength, or control, BDSM can evoke a wide range of sensations and emotions.
If this resonates with you, you're not alone. A 2017 study published in PLOS ONE found that more than one in five people has tied up a partner or been tied up during sex, and around one-third have engaged in spanking. Interestingly, BDSM interest is even more common than BDSM behavior, according to Kinsey Institute Research fellow Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
To ensure safer BDSM play, I spoke with experts to outline essential safety rules. Here's their advice:
1. Consent Is Key
"Consent is absolutely essential and must be obtained from all parties involved," says Rhiannon John, a certified sexologist. This goes beyond safewords—it's about mutual respect, clear communication, and understanding boundaries. Consent must be enthusiastic and freely given without any coercion.
2. Mind the Power Dynamics
Power exchange is a core element of many BDSM practices. This can be a temporary dynamic during a scene or a 24/7 arrangement. John stresses the importance of considering additional power imbalances—age, gender, race, or financial status—and ensuring all parties feel safe and free to express boundaries without fear.
3. Set and Respect Boundaries
Establishing and communicating boundaries is vital. John recommends using a "traffic light" system to categorize your interests: green for activities you want to try, red for those you avoid, and orange for those you're open to but with caution. Open and ongoing communication is key to navigating boundaries.
4. Take It Slow
No need to rush—building trust and comfort should be the priority. "Start with light activities and progress gradually," says John. For example, if you're curious about spanking, begin with gentle taps to gauge comfort and proceed at a pace that suits everyone involved.
5. Practice Aftercare
Aftercare is a critical part of BDSM. It's the process of ensuring all participants feel safe and cared for after a scene, whether this involves physical comfort, reassurance, or emotional bonding. Make aftercare a priority to help everyone transition out of the heightened state of play.
6. Educate Yourself
The more you know, the safer your play will be. John encourages exploring online resources to learn more about BDSM techniques, safety practices, and how to challenge societal stigmas around kink. Knowledge is power!
BDSM Safety Items to Have on Hand
Mak Adikami, co-founder of Lustyboy.com, recommends having the following items nearby during BDSM play for added safety:
- First aid kit: Includes bandages, antiseptic wipes, and ice packs for minor injuries.
- Condoms: If penetrative play is involved, use condoms to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancies.
- Lubricant: Essential to prevent discomfort, especially when using toys or engaging in prolonged play.
- Safety scissors: These can quickly cut through rope in an emergency, especially in bondage scenes.
- Cleaning supplies: Clean toys and equipment before and after each use to maintain hygiene.
- Aftercare items: Blankets, water, and snacks help provide comfort and care post-scene.
Bondage Safety
Bondage is a fundamental aspect of BDSM, but it comes with its own set of risks. Lzarus Redmayne, founder of TheDuchy.com, advises following specific precautions:
- Use non-collapsing knots: These knots won’t tighten under pressure, reducing the risk of nerve damage.
- Mind knot placement: Avoid placing knots in areas like the spine, armpits, or neck.
- Inspect your rope: Ensure it’s clean and free from fraying.
- Minimize position changes: A change in body position can alter muscle tightness, making previously comfortable ties too tight.
Impact Play Safety
Impact play includes activities like spanking, flogging, and paddling. Dr. Sarah Melancon, a sexuality expert, highlights the importance of hitting areas with more muscle, such as the thighs and buttocks, and avoiding sensitive areas like the abdomen or joints.
Additionally:
- Start slow and build intensity gradually.
- Only use tools designed for impact play to avoid injury.
- Agree on safe words or signals and prioritize aftercare.
Choking/Breath Play Safety
Choking can be dangerous if not approached cautiously. Dr. Melancon stresses that choking should be mild and infrequent, and non-verbal signals should be established since a safe word won’t be possible.
If someone loses consciousness during choking play, stop immediately, and wait until they are fully conscious before resuming or stopping play entirely.
Roleplay Safety
Roleplay can take many forms, such as age play or pony play, and often involves exploring taboos in a safe environment. Melissa Cook, a certified sex therapist, advises:
- Ensure mutual consent: Roleplay must be a shared, consensual experience.
- Learn your gear: If using specialized BDSM equipment, ensure you understand how to use it properly.
- Check in often: Physical and emotional health should be monitored throughout the scene.
What to Do in a BDSM Emergency
In the event of an emergency, stay calm. Immediately stop the activity and assess the situation:
- Who is hurt?
- What are their immediate care needs?
Administer first aid as needed, and if the injury is serious, seek professional medical attention. Afterward, offer emotional support and consider documenting the incident to avoid similar situations in the future.
Conclusion
BDSM offers a thrilling way to engage your sexuality, but it comes with risks that need to be managed. By understanding these risks and following safety precautions before, during, and after play, you can ensure that your BDSM experiences are both enjoyable and safe.