Forget about the fancy tools and tricks. Here’s what really makes BDSM so hot.
Chances are, you’ve come across your fair share of BDSM tips articles—maybe even seen a few parodies. But this list takes a different approach, diving into the real heart of what makes BDSM such an exhilarating experience. These tips can help you build a foundation for more intense and meaningful play.
1. Communication is Key
Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship or sexual encounter, but it’s especially critical in BDSM. Once you venture into more advanced play, clear communication becomes even more important. In the world of consensual BDSM, negotiation is essential. Kink veterans excel at communication, which is one reason why kink parties are often such safe spaces.
Avoid assumptions. Just because a previous partner enjoyed something doesn’t mean your current partner will. Ask your partner what they like and how they want to be touched. At the same time, make sure to express what you want, too. The better you communicate, the hotter the experience will be.
2. Consent is Sexy
Contrary to popular belief, asking for consent doesn’t spoil the mood—it enhances it. When you and your partner are clear on boundaries and desires, you can both relax and enjoy the experience without worry. You can even incorporate consent into dirty talk. For example, if you’re into biting, gently nibble their ear and ask, "Do you like to be bitten?" Positive check-ins, like “Do you like this?” while touching them, help ensure everyone is having a good time.
3. Embrace Vulnerability
At its core, BDSM often involves one partner being placed in a vulnerable position. Being bound or ordered to stay still can help someone let go of mental blocks and relax into the experience. When a submissive gives up control, they can fully focus on sensation without worrying about reciprocation, leading to a more immersive experience.
4. Build Trust
Trust is the foundation of BDSM. Just like the team-building trust exercises you did in school, BDSM requires one partner to trust the other not to harm them. Whether you’re using tools or just your bare hands, your partner is trusting you to respect their limits and boundaries. Trust is essential for creating a safe and enjoyable experience.
5. Use Your Built-In Tools
You don’t need to buy expensive toys to have a great time. Your body comes equipped with everything you need. Hands and teeth can provide a variety of sensations, from gentle bites to playful scratches. Biting, pinching, slapping, and scratching are simple ways to add intensity to a scene. The neck is a popular spot for gentle bites, but many parts of the body can be explored—just be sure to get consent if you plan to leave marks.
6. Get Creative with Household Items
You don’t need a drawer full of toys to spice things up. Look around your home for everyday items you can incorporate into play. A wooden spoon or spatula makes a great tool for impact play, while ice cubes are perfect for temperature play. For sensory deprivation, use a scarf or tie as a blindfold. When your partner can’t see what’s coming, every sensation is heightened.
7. Don’t Overlook Psychological Play
BDSM isn’t just physical—it’s mental, too. The anticipation or fear of what might happen can amplify the intensity of a scene. Whispering threats or promises, or making your partner ask for what they want, can add a whole new dimension. Forcing someone to vocalize their desires can be deeply erotic, especially for those who may have been taught to suppress them.
8. Play with Power Dynamics
Power dynamics are present in every relationship, and BDSM brings these to the surface. You don’t need to live a 24/7 kink lifestyle to play with power. Simple acts, like having one partner kneel or crawl, can shift the dynamic. Holding your partner’s head while they go down on you or making them ask for permission to orgasm are powerful ways to explore control.
Final Thoughts
No matter what you try, always remember the importance of communication and consent. Talk openly with your partner before trying something new, listen to their desires, and share your own. By creating a space where you both feel safe and heard, you can explore BDSM in a way that’s not only intense but deeply satisfying.