In this guest post, intimacy expert Magda Kay shares valuable insights into what women truly desire in the bedroom. While women are often perceived as "complicated" or uncertain about what they want, this isn't the case when it comes to sex. Women have clear preferences, and understanding these can lead to deeper, more satisfying connections.
Here are five key things women wish men knew about sex:
1. Foreplay is Sex, Too!
For many men, foreplay and sex might seem like separate activities, but for most women and those assigned female at birth (AFAB), foreplay is just as important as the main event. Women typically need time to fully relax and get in the mood, and this can make the experience much more enjoyable.
Rather than going straight for the genitals or breasts, try taking your time. Gently explore your partner’s body, kiss softly, tease her, and whisper sweet words. Engaging in 15 minutes of this kind of foreplay can lead to much deeper pleasure. Remember, for many women, it’s the gradual build-up that really gets things going.
2. It’s Not All About the Orgasm
Orgasms are amazing, but women want men to know that they’re not the sole measure of good sex. For women and AFAB individuals, the quality of sex is more about connection, intimacy, and emotional depth. It’s entirely possible for a woman to enjoy sex without reaching orgasm, and sometimes, an orgasm can occur during less-than-great sex.
The key is not to focus solely on the climax but to create a meaningful experience that fosters connection and closeness. When intimacy is prioritized, the overall experience becomes more fulfilling.
3. Take the Pressure Off
Orgasms don’t happen every time for women, and that’s completely normal. Men shouldn’t feel like they’ve "failed" if their partner doesn’t climax. In fact, questions like “Did you come?” can cause undue pressure, making it more difficult for a woman to relax and fully enjoy the experience.
Instead of focusing on the outcome, try asking open-ended questions such as, “How did you like it?” or “What was your favorite part?” These kinds of questions help keep the conversation positive and allow women to share their experience without feeling judged.
4. Slow Down
There’s nothing wrong with quick, intense, or even rough sex on occasion, but many women wish their partners would slow down more often. Rapid movements can lead to a disconnect, making it harder for women to fully enjoy the experience.
Imagine being on a fast-moving train—everything outside becomes a blur. Now, think of sex the same way. Slowing down allows both partners to savor each moment, deepening the connection and making the experience more intimate.
Pause to check in with your partner, notice her body’s responses, and allow her to truly feel your presence. By practicing mindfulness and being present, you’ll create a more meaningful and connected sexual experience.
5. Aftercare Matters
Aftercare is just as important as foreplay. While men and those assigned male at birth (AMAB) may experience arousal like fire—quick to ignite and burn out—women and AFAB individuals are more like water, taking longer to heat up and cool down.
This difference can sometimes lead to mismatched expectations post-sex. If a man rolls over and falls asleep immediately after, his partner may feel neglected, even if the sex itself was wonderful.
To avoid this, take time to cuddle, talk, and caress your partner after sex. Even if you’re too tired to stay awake, holding her close can make all the difference. For many women, the experience doesn’t end with the climax, and a little aftercare can make the entire encounter more satisfying.
Put These Tips Into Practice!
Now that you have some insights into what women really want in the bedroom, try incorporating these tips into your sexual experiences. You may find that your connection deepens, and your intimacy improves in unexpected ways.